RedAspie

Just talking to myself, I guess....

2012-01-21T15:57:00.000-08:00

I'm guessing that I can assume that nobody took me up on my challenge to find anybody with Aspergers who is on disability funding. Not that I can really blame my family and friends for not taking it up, except for the fact that it was my family that started this whole thing in the first place, specifically my mother. Not saying that the reason she started this was for some reason other than getting me "launched", but I am saying that she was looking in the wrong area for the resources that would help with that. I have a better chance of winning the lottery and getting struck by lightning....TWICE....on the same day, than of ever getting a disability pension. And it's not just me; this is a reality for many other aspies. Many adult aspies are too old to access the resources that are there for aspies. Seems like for all the other resources, we are just not autistic ENOUGH. I haven't got a clue how to solve this problem, and I don't know who to blame, or even if anyone deserves to be blamed. One thing that I do know, is that I must move on from this. I have to somehow get myself into some aspie friendly profession, where eccentricity is allowed, reading social cues isn't all that important, and everything doesn't all go to hell in a handbasket if I have a meltdown or four.

You know that story, or maybe it's a proverb....

2011-12-31T15:38:00.000-08:00

about four, maybe five men, who were blindfolded, taken to an elephant, and asked to say what elephants are like, just from feeling different parts of its body, without ever having seen an elephant? I think autism is like the elephant. Most people, upon finding out that I have Asperger's, do not believe me, because I'm no Kim Peek. Odd that Peek's movie self was autistic, since Peek himself wasn't. Anyways, I just wanted to say that Autism is like an elephant, having many sides. It can be long and flexible, like the trunk, it can be thick and solid like one of its legs, or it can be curvy and high, like the side of the animal. It can even be skinny, with hair at one end, like the tail, or thin and droopy, like the ears.

If you're going to tell me that I can and should get disability benefits....

2011-11-21T11:17:00.001-08:00

by just claiming my Asperger's Syndrome, and even go so far as telling me that it would be stupid for me not to, than you're going to have to do something for me. Provide me with evidence of someone with Asperger's Syndrome who is already getting disability benefits. My requirements are only that this person must be living in Canada(I don't care where), he/she must actually have AS, NOT classic autism; they must also be able to speak in full sentences, and able to walk in a straight line; they must also be at or over 25 years of age. I am making this challenge because I have just about had it with hearing, again and again, that I can and should get disability benefits, and that I am irresponsible for not trying, when the truth is, that I have tried, under pressure from my parents, more than once...I've tried three times, actually. Each time, I've either been denied, or I've fallen through one of the many, many cracks that exist to screen out the scammers....except I'm no scammer. Oh yeah, and I just found out that lots of other people, with Asperger's Syndrome, who are around my age and older, also have trouble getting help. So really, my reality is, that even though I have trouble finding a job that I can actually DO, let alone support myself with, I still cannot get any kind of financial assistance or benefits.

Just because.

2011-11-18T10:53:00.001-08:00

Killing time right now, so I thought I would post a link to this site that I kind of like. A teacher told me about it, so I thought that I would pass it on.

A tip.....

2011-11-07T11:12:00.000-08:00

if you are trying to sell somebody, anybody, on anything, particularly religion, and this person says that they're not interested, don't wait for a week or so and then rephrase what you said the first time, or say something like "We believe...." when said person already knows. You not coming off as a concerned friend. You're coming off as a windbag and a bully.

Been busy

2011-11-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

So it's been over a month since the last time I posted on here. I've been busy, at least, busy for me. The two classes that I've been taking, homework and assignments from both, and my part time job kinda take up a lot of my time. During the last month, though, I have found that I have my best ideas for posts when I am nowhere near a computer or even a pen and paper. When I'm on the bus, for example. Or when I'm working. I can make sure that there's a pad of paper in my bag where I can get at it easily so I can quickly write down my ideas that I get when I'm taking the bus somewhere. While I'm working that's not so doable, since my work is that of a server in a coffee shop. It's not like I can just stop in the middle of taking bacon and eggs to somebody, and quickly jot down a sentence or two.

Changing the conversation: assuming anyone is listening

2011-10-01T01:05:00.000-07:00

I suppose that many don't realize, and wouldn't admit to it if they did, but this video is pretty realistic about how autism is seen by parents of children who have it; a big, bad horrible thing that must be vanquished. When really, the autism is not the problem. How the parents see it is.

What is a disability supposed to look like anyways?

2011-10-01T00:50:00.000-07:00

Those of us who have Asperger's have the same problem that this young girl has. Next time I tell someone about my Asperger's, and they say they don't see it, or that I don't look like someone who's autistic, I'm going to ask them what Autism looks like. Just like I'm sure that this girl would love to ask people who doubt her having a disability what a disability is supposed to look like.

Etiquette and such.

2011-09-04T22:34:00.000-07:00

So I have a problem with etiquette. Most Aspies do. No social filter means social gaffes get made, and regularly too...at least until the Aspie learns that making that certain gaffe is a bad thing. If that ever happens. That's why I like this website. It's a good guide of what not to do.

Don't worry about me....

2011-08-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

someday I'll get the hang of this writing/blogging thing. I'm going to be starting english and math classes in September...have I already mentioned that in a previous post? Anyways, after a few weeks or likely months, of english in the morning, I should be able to tell what a run on sentence and comma splices looks like, and know how to avoid them.

RIP Mr. Layton

2011-08-22T17:06:00.000-07:00

Even though I never got the chance to meet him, I'm still saddened by his death. Layton also wrote a letter, a good one I think. If you don't like looking at all that NDP orange, go here.

Finally....

2011-08-22T15:46:00.000-07:00

got a new laptop. Nothing fancy, just an HP that was under $400. I bought it partly because in September, I will be taking two classes at my local university, both english and math, and I think that having my own computer would make it easier to study and write. I also wanted to update this blog more frequently; that will be easier if I don't have to go to the university commons or my local library, both places that are often full during the school year, especially during finals.

Obsessions, or rather, hobbies....

2011-08-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

are like underwear. It's best to have hundreds. A few of my obsessions/hobbies are personal finance, reading, and history. When I finally get a laptop of my own, I hope to add blogging and writing. I do have more, but have to neglect them because of money or time.

New colours...

2011-08-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

Hope everybody likes them. I sure do.

Arg...stupid Blogger....

2011-08-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

Why can't I post a comment after one of my posts? Why?

Riding my bike

2011-08-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

I've been going for a bike ride just about every evening since just before the end of July. Haven't lost any weight yet, but my legs must be stronger, because it's so much easier to ride uphill now than it used to be. Plus, I'm in a much better mood after the ride. I think that's called endorphins.

So I have an anger problem....

2011-08-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

that is probably to be expected, since I grew up with a syndrome that no one even knew existed in women and girls until the early 90's, and is still misunderstood, and a mother who is sometimes a bully. Still can't afford to move out. I get angrier and anxious if I think about this too much.

Same ol', same ol'.....

2011-07-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

Work, then home, work then home. So I thought that I would break up the monotomy by posting this.
And this. Bet you didn't know that. I did, but had forgotten, so I looked it up.

Why so blase? Why so casual?

2011-07-18T16:45:00.001-07:00

It's been bugging me for a long, long time that so many people assume that I should just be able to get on it, no questions asked, when the truth is that when I do apply, I either get denied, my application can't be processed because of a technicality or I fall through one or another of those nasty little loopholes.

Asperger's Are Us

2011-06-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

Heard about these guys in a newsletter that I get...not bad. Will have to watch more of their stuff.

James Hobley - Britain's Got Talent 2011 audition - itv.com/talent - UK ...

2011-06-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

A really good dancer....should try to see if I can watch some episodes at home or find more online.

Really....

2011-06-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

My Asperger's Syndrome is here to stay; in other words, I had it when I was born, I will have it when I die. I don't know why I'm having all these feelings, but feelings are a little like rain. They come when they come; especially for Aspies, who often have difficulty knowing what their feelings even are about something. Then, one day, out of the blue, a sort of emotional tsunami happens, when a lot of different feelings come out of nowhere, and can be overwhelming. I think that happened to me this weekend, though it wasn't that bad this time as some other times have been

Autism/Asperger's is....

2011-05-25T23:57:00.000-07:00

being too scared to move, but not being able to sit still. Or in other words, not being able to accept change very well, even if it has to happen and is overdue. I've gotten somewhat better at accepting change, but I still have a hard time with it. Lots of people have difficulty accepting change. The difference is that when it's an Aspie that needs to make a change, it can cause a pain that is quite acute.

Frank Sinatra - Happy birthday to you

2011-05-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Papa. I love you and miss you.
Love Kimmy

Artwork by People with Asperger's Syndrome

2011-05-15T16:20:00.000-07:00

Last one, I promise. For today, anyways. I just couldn't resist the opportunity to show off the work of other aspies.

Feelings of Girls and Women with Asperger Syndrome

2011-05-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

Another video posted on youtube by the same woman who posted Girls and Women with Asperger's Syndrome. This one's a bit depressing though, so don't watch it if you don't like that kind of thing.

Aspie Eyes: The beautiful eyes of Asperger's syndrome

2011-05-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

Another good video....at least I thought so.

Girls and Women with Asperger's Syndrome

2011-05-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

Redecorated....

2011-05-11T20:16:00.000-07:00

hope everyone likes it. Just thought the place could use some colour.

Things I hate

2011-05-11T19:37:00.000-07:00

Mosquitoes, reality television....and brussel sprouts. The last one is probably just because I have bad memories of eating them when I was a child, and deciding that they tasted like feet.

Just ask....literally.

2011-05-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

If you ever want to know where you stand with an aspie, just ask them. But don't phrase it that way, since we tend to take everything literally, and we will literally tell you where you're standing...on the sidewalk, in the snow, mud, dog poo, whatever. A much better idea is to ask us how we feel about something, if we're not exactly forthcoming about it.

New blog

2011-05-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

I wanted to change the address of the blog to match the name, so I created this one and will delete the other one once I figure out how.....anyways....decided to move all my old posts over here too, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Bullies

2011-04-26T21:04:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, on a mailing list for aspie women, someone once said a few weeks ago that when you have any kind of a disability, and are trying to access resources created for those with disabilities, the biggest roadblocks(read: bullies, ignoramuses) are the people working within the community, trying to help people who need the resources actually get them. I know that this is true; once, when I called an autism society when I was living in a different city, trying to find a second job, the woman who answered the phone told me that I should just tell them that I have Asperger's and "maybe" they would have sympathy on me and try me out. Of course, an employer having sympathy on me doesn't mean they'll hire me. Needless to say, I didn't really know the meaning of the word gobsmacked until that moment.
Maybe I'm just a whiner. I have been accused of being a pessimist before, but still, to this aspie, there really does seem to be more support groups for parents of aspies than for adult aspies. Puzzling, since aspie kids generally turn into aspie adults. But than, maybe by the time the new crop of aspie kids turn into aspie adults, all the bullies and ignoramuses will be fired, there won't be anymore idiots volunteering/working for autism societies anymore......and this current recession will finally be over. I mean really over.

Lame, antisocial or offensive? Which one is better?

2011-04-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

I know that I'm missing a socializing chip, and that that has cost me dearly in potential friends and possibly jobs, stuff like that. Mostly because I was lame when maybe it would have been better for me to antisocial and offensive, or I was antisocial and offensive when it would have been better to be lame. Of course it's always better to be charming and sparkly and witty, but I've never heard of Aspies who can be all of those things. This is confusing, and I'm getting a bit hungry, so I'll have to think about this some more.

Name Change

2011-04-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

No, not my name, the name of my blog. I came up with this one a few weeks ago and just kept forgetting to change it. Don't know why I didn't just come up with it in the first place....I am a natural redhead after all, but there you go.

Exception or the rule?

2011-04-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

I used to think that I was some kind of exception, because I am still living at home with my parents, even though I will be 31 in just over 3 weeks, don't make very much money (less than $600 a month, hence me living with the parents) and am trying to bootstrap myself by taking upgrading classes after work 2 days a week. Then I joined an email list for women with Asperger's Syndrome, and realized that many of the women on the list must try to make it on very low incomes, some have to live in low income housing, some must stay in relationships that are no longer good for them, or are living with their parents, or relatives, or with roommates, basically in some kind of situation that they don't want to be in, all because they must, because of financial and emotional reasons. Finances are an especially huge reason, because of the misunderstandings that tend to happen at places of work and in job interviews. In my almost 31 years of experience, and in my interactions with other Aspies, I have found that if an Aspie is too honest, or doesn't know how or when to take a hint, it could mean a job loss, or being passed over for a promotion, or not getting a job that was applied for. Which, if the income is not replaced, could mean a house being foreclosed on, getting evicted from an apartment, having to move, etc., etc. In other words, things that are tramautic to most people with Asperger's and Autism.
Well, I want to help with all that, even if it is just a little bit. Saving money is one of my obsessions; despite my low income, I always make sure that I put a little bit away. Both of these websites have really good ideas. One is American, the other British, but they still apply.

http://www.stretcher.com/index.cfm

http://www.beyondbakedbeans.com/

A little bit of googling might be appropriate for Beyond Baked Beans, because there are so many british terms that get used. But I guess depending on where you live, that applies to the first link too. Wish I knew how to get all fancy and link it without actually typing out the address (by that, I mean putting the link in a word) but I am still getting the hang of this whole blogging thing.

Sometimes I wonder.....

2011-03-06T16:07:00.000-08:00

if I will ever be able to find my niche. Or if I will ever be able to find a way to move out of my parents' house and find a place of my own. Living with roommates can be fun, but I've learned from past experience that for me, having roommates can be a bad idea for me, because of all those little social things that I don't pick up on. And then of course, there's still my share of the expenses.....not just rent, but the bills that tend to come with living in a house (electricity, water, etc) if it's not included in the rent. There's still groceries, internet, toilet paper, stuff like that. I also wonder if I will ever be able to support myself. My parents still think that I will be able to get on disability because they know one young man who was able to get a disability pension. I am less convinced because I have not been able to find a shred of evidence (online, anyway) that people, living in Canada, with high functioning autism can actually get on disability. Are they all hiding? If I asked my parents, they would likely say yes.

Aspie comics

2011-02-26T18:15:00.000-08:00

Just found a web page with some very funny comics that describe asperger's perfectly. I hope you enjoy them.
http://www.dudeimanaspie.com/2009/11/dude-im-aspie.html

Push and Float

2011-01-23T01:20:00.000-08:00

Haven't posted for just over 3 months now...at first, it was because I was busy finishing up an ABE course. Then when I was done, I couldn't think of anything to write, and I was distracted by the holidays anyways. I did start thinking, though, about why it is that I am as high functioning as I am. Could be that I'm just lucky, it could be that I come from a big family. But I like to think that at least part of it is something that I've been doing since I was a child, sometimes without even realizing it. Recently, I decided to call this "Push and Float", because it seems like I'm either pushing against my AS, or I'm floating with it, and it looks like I'm getting better at it, although slowly. It's certainly not foolproof; I admit that sometimes I should be pushing when I'm floating, and sometimes I should be floating when I'm pushing. And on bad days, it seems like I get caught in some big ass whirlpool, where all I do is spin around. But I am getting better. I could never explain the theory behind this method though....I don't understand it well enough to put it into words beyond what I have written here. And besides, it's past my bedtime.

One thing that I just can't understand.....

2010-11-18T23:21:00.000-08:00

is why some people seem so convinced that anyone with a diagnosis of any type of Autism should be able to get on disability, no problem, when the reality is that I either get denied outright, or I get put into some kind of limbo, which is where I am now. I've begun to see a long time ago that I won't be able to get on any kind of government funding; I'm just too high functioning to be able to get on it. My mother seems to be having a hard time accepting that. I think that only a letter saying that I've been denied again will she finally accept it. If it turns out that I'm wrong, and that I do actually get on disability ($906 monthly! wooo) then maybe I should treat both of my parents to a cheap dinner out.

A little late, but.....

2010-11-11T17:02:00.000-08:00

better late than never. I thought that this link was appropriate. This is all I will post today.
http://www.woodlands-junior-kent.sch.uk/customs/remembrance/poems.htm#flan

A very, very good post.....

2010-11-07T18:10:00.000-08:00

by a woman, writing about her son who has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, or as she says it's called now, Autism Spectrum Disorder (I don't like that term...I think it's too broad. As far as I'm concerned, my high functioning autism is still called Asperger's Syndrome). She also writes about how she passionately disagrees with Jenny McCarthy and her campaign against vaccines, and for a cure for autism. I also think that McCarthy is a twit and a dangerous one.
Here's the link:
http://milkandink.com/i-believe-he-can-fly-living-with-aspergers-syndrome/#comment-249

Haven't been exercising lately....

2010-11-07T17:15:00.000-08:00

which is probably why I had such a hard time walking up the stairs to the library of the university that I am currently taking one class at. The university I'm going to is on the side of a mountain, and is, therefore all uphill. It takes me 15 minutes from door to door, so I think that counts as a workout....at least a little one.

My Job and the future

2010-10-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I do have one. I work at a small german bakery as a waitress in the cafe that's attached. It's an easy bus ride from where I live. I like the job and the people I work for and with, but don't make enough money to live alone or with roommates. Since me getting on disability is looking more and more like a pipe dream, and the job that I have now is most likely about as far as I will ever go in waiting on people (as much as I like it, I know that I can't do it forever) I have to finish high school, something that I should have finished a long time ago. Right now, I'm just taking one math class, in the evening, which has been working out well so far. If I want to actually get into a program, I think that I will likely have to take some high school english courses too, if english 12 is a prerequisite. I did actually finish a grade 12 english course, but that was years ago, and the credential from that course be outdated by now.

Why I am silent (at least some of the time)

2010-10-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

My AS has a lot to do with my silence and also my not being able to socialize very well. But there are other reasons why I am sometimes mute for long periods of time. There have been times when I talk in circles (my sincere apologies to everybody who's ear I have talked off) and for whatever reason, go on and on about something very forgettable. It's pretty often that after I do that, I won't say anything for hours after, so I can avoid getting into another "circle monologue" that some poor person will be subjected to. I've also met other people who have Asperger's (possibly some other issues as well) who tend to bluff and bluster their way through life, meaning they say they'll do things about their problems, but really they expect others to take care of them.

Little bit about me and my blog

2010-10-18T23:11:00.000-07:00

I want to use this blog to write about life, the good parts and the bad ones, as I see it. I plan on writing about everything, from personal finance, mine and in general, to losing some extra weight; I need to lose about 40 pounds, but right now, I'll take what I can get.
I also want to write about issues that people with AS face every day, such as poverty, unemployment and underemployment. Many people who think they know about Asperger's seem to think that getting on some kind of funding (like disability) is the answer to these issues. However, I have applied twice, in the province that I'm living in now. The first time, I was denied outright. The second time, they actually mailed the entire application back to me, stating that it could not go any further, because of some red tape issues. That is just one example of a misunderstanding many seem to have about Asperger's and Autism. There are many more, which I can't go into now, because it's late and I do have work and a class tomorrow.

My first post, so please....

2010-10-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

go easy on me. I've been wanting to start writing a blog for a while now, so that I could write about Asperger's Syndrome and autism, something that I believe many people do not understand, or even try to. I have also read somewhere that writing a blog is a good way to get started as a writer, assuming that the blogger is any good at it.