Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Gas and Lighters

One thing about Autism and Asperger's Syndrome: it can take people who have it forever to express their feelings. For example, in my case, I actually have thought that I've forgiven people for things that they've done to me, and have told them so, but later on, I feel intense rage about whatever it was that was done to me. Some examples: Sometime after I moved in with my sister and her room mate, the room mate told me that she "was sick of cleaning up after me" after I got home from work one day. That morning, before I left for work at the job I had, I made myself some poached eggs on toast. Left my dishes in the sink, they were done by the time I got home. Room mate, in all of her "wisdom", thought that me leaving them in the sink was A Very Bad Thing. She was of the strong opinion that I should never, ever, ever leave dishes in the sink, because people who are "special needs" (her words) should never do that. Even though she and my sister did, a lot, there was a different set of rules for me. Because "special needs" people need different rules. After all, if they're allowed to leave dishes in the sink, they're liable to leave them until they're moldy and slimy.
Another one is when the three of us moved from the apartment that I moved into, where they already were living, into a townhouse a few blocks away. I had a few meltdowns, or more likely, one huge one. Because chaos. More to the point, moving house chaos. Once we were all moved in, she confronted me about giving her "attitude". Because people with "special needs" aren't supposed to have meltdowns and give their room mates "attitude". People who actually know anything about Asperger's might wonder what exactly Room mate thought Asperger's was, if she didn't know that many Aspies are likely to have meltdowns if there's too much going on around them and there's no where to go to rest, take a break, whatever.
Now, I wonder if what Room mate actually was doing was gaslighting me, whether she meant to or not.
What else can I call her looking over my shoulder whenever I did...well, anything, and me getting angry about it, and then she would talk about how I needed to go into a group home? Now, I wonder how she thought that could have been accomplished. We were living in Edmonton then, when Alberta's economy was better than good. It was excellent. Group homes were hard to get into then. Now that Alberta's economy is in the crapper, it's probably impossible.
None of this happened recently. It was actually over twelve years ago, probably closer to fourteen. Of course, there's other stuff too, some of it concerning Room mate. Some of it concerning two other people who were luck enough to live with me, and I with them. I'll call them Family member and Family member. But I'll save that for another post. Because blogging.