I still can't get past how unhappy I am, living with my parents. I need and want to move out, yet the rents in my city are ridiculous. My mother literally feels entitled to interrupt me whenever she feels like it. I withdrew from her because of the silly form that she wanted me to fill out, on the one worded "not a conversation" recommendation of my support worker sister, and my mother's half-assed reading, but not comprehending, it.
I will be forty at the end of April. Things have been by some family members that they want this birthday to be an "event". And yet, right now I can't process the idea or the image of celebrating my birthday, a day that's SUPPOSED to be for me, with people that I can only tolerate right now. There are four members of my family, three of my sisters, who I can't do more than tolerate right now:
- There is the Promise Maker sister. I call her that because she and her husband love making promises, and have overpromised themselves before. It was her who said she would buy a new build condo and rent it to me for a price I could pay. So she promises and promises and promises, because she finds it fun or something, but keeping them is a different thing entirely. A part of adulting is learning how to keep promises, or don't make them if you're not sure you can keep them. My problem isn't with her not buying the condo, it is with her telling me that she would, with the help of my parents, then it didn't happen, because condos are expensive now. So they must have thought condos are the same price as nice posterboard from a craft store.
- The Defender sister. This is the one who came out of the woodwork, defending Support Worker sister and my mother, and their Good Intentions, as if they needed it. I ask for them to not push them on me again, and she literally said, "Okay, we won't help you anymore," as if good intentions that lead nowhere is actual help. This sister apparently has no idea what the road to hell is paved with.
- Of course, Support Worker sister. Who used to, at least until she told me that I ruined her floor by not wiping out the windowsills, would act like she knew everything that was disability benefit and income assistance related, because of a job she once had. Yet, all the jobs she has held since she quit her group tenancy, or whatever it was called, pay her much less. I doubt she's even making a third of what she used to make when she had this high paying job that led her to think she KNEW things. The reason she gave us for leaving that job was she that it was too hard on her mentally, or something along those lines. Now, she and her husband have so much debt they are being forced into selling their house and moving in with his parents. Seriously, if she had held such an important position, and she was able to gather all this knowledge, she could get herself a better paying job by using some of the valuable connections she must have made while working her group tenancy, right? Even if the funding for her position stopped, she may still have some leeway to get a better paying position. Unless she left under a cloud. Of course, I have no way of knowing, except for what she tells me. And I don't know how to find out.
- My mother, who thinks it's okay to endlessly interrupt me. She once disturbed me to tell me that she was switching laundry detergents, then when she saw me again, proceeds to tell me exactly the same thing. Another time, she basically barged into my room twice in the space of twenty minutes to remind me what I was giving up by not pursuing eligibility for a local agency. I stopped because she insisted on putting her fingerprints all over the entire process, and I couldn't take it anymore. But then, this is the same woman who, when she and my father were in the routine of going out to the movies on Tuesdays with my aunt and uncle when they were staying in town for a few months, couldn't be bothered to close a sliding glass door upon leaving to see her precious movie with her sister. She would slam the thing, it would bounce open just wide enough to let in cold air and whatever bugs that our winters hadn't killed yet, and I would get up to close it. I asked her once to make sure it was closed when they left. She responds with she was in a hurry, she has to go, blah, blah, blah. I also asked her to find a course she could take on autism and Asperger's syndrome. She decides to buy books and join a Facebook group instead. I don't know why she couldn't do what I asked her to. I do know I asked her to do it because I desperately want and need her to see how much she hurts me when she acts or speaks without thinking. All three of my sisters need to take a course too. I wish they could see just how pointless that silly little form was, and that good intentions, even if they are, in fact, golden ones, won't get me anywhere if there's no research or actual knowledge behind them.
So anyways, I probably could celebrate my birthday with all my sisters and my mother if they can get over me only being able to tolerate them. If none of them have some useless good intention that goes absolutely nowhere. If they don't produce forms out of the woodwork, saying that it will help me get a thing. Basically, I want them to behave themselves.
