Unfortunately....

I can relate, or at least, I used to be able to, the man that this blogger is talking about.  Now, to some extent, I have given up putting on a mask while socializing, because the exhaustion that always came after was just too much.  My meltdowns have also decreased; I suppose there is a price that I'm paying for my decreased meltdowns....which I guess is just that people just don't talk to me as long as they used to when I actually do go out and socialize.  Of course, these same people that might have appreciated my charm and wit when I bothered to use it, and might still today, don't know what kind of sacrifice I was making then, and what kind I would be making now, if I do dust it off and use it.

Want to see what's going on with the new DSM?

See for yourself, by going here.  And here.  And here.  And then there's this article here.  And there's more; here, and here, and the last one I'm going to post, here.

Don't want to gloat...

but I saw this coming from a mile away.

How to get on disability

I don't know this because I am on disability, but because I have tried to get on it and failed....twice.  I am wondering if some members of my family and friends know just what it takes to get a disability pension.  I think that there are a few that really have no idea what it takes to even be eligible to even apply....that all I would have to do is write my name, address and answer some questions on some form that says "Government of British Columbia" in the top left hand corner, mail it in to some office, then a week later I get a check, and every month after that, until I find something better to do with myself than wait for my monthly $906.  That is so NOT how it works.  Getting a disability pension is actually a process that can take up to a year or more.  That year consists of applying, waiting, being denied, appealing, than some more waiting.  The steps go something like this:
1. Apply for and get on income assistance.
To get on income assistance, you must be broke. As in, so broke you can't rub two dimes together.  You also can't be in any type of postsecondary program.  As far as the clerks and whoever else is concerned, this is rule number one; college students and anyone in any kind of educational program can NOT be on income assistance.  The same rule applies to those who happen to have some money squirreled away somewhere, even if it would be gone in just a few months or even weeks.  Even if it would be gone in the amount of time it takes for them to process your application (about six weeks), you're still not eligible.  To be eligible for the $610 that those on income assistance get, you have to be minus dollars, with no income.  If you apply for disability and you're not on income assistance, you get your application back, saying that it couldn't be processed, because you're not on their radar.
2. Apply for disability
The first step in doing this is going to your doctor and getting him/her to fill out a form.  The two times I did it, it was painful.  Anyone listening in on that interview would think that I'm just trying to find a way to easy street, because there is nothing physically wrong with me.  All of my issues are mental; my anxiety and my Asperger's.  After that, you have to have countless meetings with a social worker, to make the application as targeted as possible.  This could take weeks, or even months to do.
So there you go.  The long process of getting on provincial disability, at least as far as I know.  There could very well be more to the process (I think that there might be) but this is as far as I have gotten.

Just plain dangerous and wrong

Perhaps the worst part about having Asperger's Syndrome is that so many people assume, dangerously and wrongly, is that I have so many resources that I can access. And they. start. to. envy. ME.  What are the words that I am supposed to use to convince them that they are wrong?

Now unemployed....

I quit my job.  I was working as a waitress for four years at a german cafe/bakery.  I really liked my bosses (weird thing about the particular bakery that I worked at, is that it was never made clear to me or any of the other waitresses who the manager was....kinda weird, but I digress).  Anyways, I quit because I knew that I was never going to be able to make a living wage working at this place, even if they hadn't cut my hours, which they had.  But I can't say that I hadn't seen it coming, because I did.  I also wanted to take a class that would have conflicted with the shifts that I worked, and I wanted more time to study.  When I quit, I thought that I would be able to find an evenings and weekend job, or even just a weekend job, somewhere.  Unfortunately, I didn't realize that there really aren't that many in the city that I'm currently living in now.  Fortunately, I do have "moments of smart".  When I started my job at the bakery, I had one good "moment of smart" when I started to save the same amount of money each month in an online savings account.  Sometimes I would raid it for air fare for a trip, or bus money, but not that often, so there is quite a bit saved up.  Enough so that I don't need to worry where next month's rent is going to come from, or the semester fees that I still need to pay.

Invisible disabilities

I know a little bit how these people feel..  Seems like every other person I disclose my AS to tells me that they don't "see" it. As if you should be able to.

Yes, I actually am in a catch 22...no, really, I am...

and I want my family to see that.  I function too well to be able to get myself on any kind of funding.  I can make a budget and stick to it, I can write a check, I can buy groceries, I know how to read a bus schedule and actually understand it.  I don't believe that I need funding as badly as this woman does, and I am definitely not as autistic as this man.  The only thing I still need to be able to live indepently is an income that's enough to support myself with.  I will never be able to get myself on disability, so I need for my family to stop trying to talk me into applying again, so I can concentrate on getting myself what I need; a life.  What makes me really angry and resentful about this is that the people closest to me are determinedly "Pollyanna" about all this.  They just assume that I will be able to get it.  Except for one problem: if I could get disability, I would be on it by now.  Not only that, there would be other aspies who are also on disability.  I don't know of anyone, diagnosed with Asperger's, who are on disability or ssi.  And believe me, I've looked.  I've looked to the point where I have to conclude that these people, who have AS and actually have funding, have faded into the wallpaper, or become invisible.  Or moved somewhere, and dropped off the map.

Just talking to myself, I guess....

I'm guessing that I can assume that nobody took me up on my challenge to find anybody with Aspergers who is on disability funding.  Not that I can really blame my family and friends for not taking it up, except for the fact that it was my family that started this whole thing in the first place, specifically my mother.  Not saying that the reason she started this was for some reason other than getting me "launched", but I am saying that she was looking in the wrong area for the resources that would help with that.  I have a better chance of winning the lottery and getting struck by lightning....TWICE....on the same day, than of ever getting a disability pension.  And it's not just me; this is a reality for many other aspies.  Many adult aspies are too old to access the resources that are there for aspies.  Seems like for all the other resources, we are just not autistic ENOUGH.  I haven't got a clue how to solve this problem, and I don't know who to blame, or even if anyone deserves to be blamed.  One thing that I do know, is that I must move on from this.  I have to somehow get myself into some aspie friendly profession, where eccentricity is allowed, reading social cues isn't all that important, and everything  doesn't all go to hell in a handbasket if I have a meltdown or four.