A "summing up" post

Just in case no one wants to read the post I wrote before this one, I decided to sum things up. My mom and one of my sisters, who works as a support worker at various places, tried to get me to fill out a form that does not apply to me in anyway whatsoever, just because the sister, who does not have a degree, or a certificate or any kind of formal post-secondary education, and can't be bothered to get one, because going to school is hard for her; she also works exclusively at jobs that don't pay her enough, probably because she doesn't have any formal post-secondary education. Yet, most of my family seems to buy into the theories she puts forward as gospel truth.
As poorly researched as this was, it will always be defended by most of the members of my immediate family as a "good intention". Bringing home a nine page form (I was wrong about the length of the thing, but still, my mom and sister should have bothered to read it past the heading), badgering me to fill the silly thing out, and arguing with me when I pointed out to them that the language on the thing didn't even SUGGEST that it was something a woman pushing forty and with a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome should be filling out. But they had a "good intention", and no one should derail these two from performing them. Not even reality.
Here is a link to the form that they wanted me to fill out. Remember, it's nine pages long, so read it before you tell me that I should fill it out. Or that filling it out "won't/can't do me any harm, dear." Having it pushed on me in the first place by people who couldn't be bothered to even read it thoroughly, has done me plenty. Not to mention that support worker sister actually thought she could be my "third party verifier" that this form requires, yet with her being a support care worker, AKA a shelter or outreach worker, of a sort, she could only have been my third party verifier if I were homeless, going by what the form states.

"Good intentions" are not researched at all, and are often half-assed, half thought out projects...

or at least they are in my family. I'm still angry about the form that my mother and support worker sister insisted I fill out. It was:

• Three pages long. 
• It took me less than ten minutes of reading it to realize that filling it out will not help me.
• A later reading of it, where I was much more thorough, took me about twenty to thirty minutes.  I still could not find anything that applied to me, an independent adult on the Autistic Spectrum.
• After I realized that this form did not apply to me, I told my mother.
• Of course, she argued with me on this, saying things like "It might help you get in here or here".
• All projects that only take in low income families or the homeless.

Since then, my mother has asked to see some original pieces that I've written. This has renewed my hurt feelings and anger about the whole thing. She CANNOT be bothered to read a stupid, three page form that she thought would help me, at least not past the heading, but she wants to read my short stories and essays. I don't think so. Especially since:

• when I first told my mother about what the support worker sister told me how I ruined her floors, she actually told me that I did not need to fill out any other forms to get on the housing waitlist,
• then the next day, there she is, with a copy of it;
• so despite the fact that my mother practically swore to me that there was "no conversation" between her and this sister about me and this form,
• there might have still been a text message from support worker sister to my mother about the silly form that I do not need to fill out.
• One text does not a conversation make.
• So my mother could have been telling the truth, but that does not mean there was not anyone scheming behind my back.

What I'm really angry about, is my mother and support worker sister insisting I fill out this stupid form, when they had not even bothered to read it themselves. The most they could have done, and still think that I should fill the thing out, was run their eyes over the words too quickly to comprehend them. That's not reading; I don't care how much they think it was.
I wish I could make my mother and sister realize that their good intentions are not that good, or even smart. Some of them are hurtful, and do much more harm than they realize. I have to deal with my mother wanting to read my pieces, but not wanting to bother to read a three page government form closely enough to see that me filling it out would not get me anything or anywhere.
Here's a useless "good intention" of my own. Someone needs to tell support worker sister that she will likely be divorced by New Years' 2025, so that she can start hiding money. It's possible that she has started already. Me telling her this might come in handy, since she and her husband, and their two children are about to move in to his parents' house. His parents will build another, smaller house on their property, and move into that. She and her family will take over the bigger house. But if the marriage turns bad, and they start to fight, I think it will be plain to his parents almost right away. They will not ask their only child, her husband, to leave. Of course, it will be her that gets kicked out. Only they will be nice about it. But firm.
The reasons I think they will get divorced:

• her husband goes through money as if it's water
• she is also a spender, getting mani/pedis and coffees out
•  but he's a super spender 
• who games, so gaming subscriptions
• and must have the good groceries
• and a nice truck

This type of behaviour tends to causes resentment, especially since this behaviour is mainly the reason why they're forced to sell their house. Maybe they've addressed it, but I doubt it. Of course, they'll work on their marriage for a while; but I doubt it can be saved. He has been given whatever he wanted all his life, or might as well have been. I don't think that type of thing can be undone.

Good intentions, or bullying?

How to keep good intentions from becoming toxic: just combine them with knowledge. Use your intelligence, and compare your assumptions with actual facts. By doing this, you are making sure that your assumptions are correct, and not time wasters. It does no one any good to run around, filling out forms, and making doctor's appointments, all for what you think will happen. Do this repeatedly, and the good intentions are not so good anymore. It's starting to feel like bullying.

There are a few people in my life who have good intentions, or at least what they think are good intentions, but have actually done more harm than good to me. More harm than just wasting my time. I feel like I can talk about it here, since no one really reads blogs anymore. This is essentially my journal, that can be accessed by strangers, only they don't. 

So, let's detail some of the "good intentions" that was actually felt more like bullying:

I move back from Edmonton, after having failed out of a program at a community college there, and couldn't find a job that would have allowed me to stay. I move in with my parents, I eventually go on income assistance. I pay a low rent to my parents for living with them, and look for work. I remember I had a paper route during that time. I think I had it for about a year. After being on income assistance for about one and a half to two years, I start getting calls to come into the government office more and more. This starts to get annoying, so I apply for a job at a call centre. Call centre job doesn't work out, so I apply for a job at a local bakery/cafe. That job does work out, for a few years. While all this is happening, what else is going on? While I am on assistance, working at the call centre, and at least the first year working at the local bakery, my mother tries to get me going back to her church. Once. A. Day. For. Three. Years. She would try to create "moments", where she would try to make me "feel the spirit" or trick me into saying I believed, or tell me that I was missed. And yes, this happened at least once a day, most days. Sometimes twice. The days where it did not happen, were the days that my father was able to herd her off, or she was away visiting family in Alberta, or she could actually see that I was angry that she felt she could do this, and would give me a break of a day or so from her "missionary moments". Basically, she would appear, right out of the woodwork, preach me a sermon. Next day, same thing. The day after that, same thing.  And the day after that, same thing. When this happened, I would act like it was some big punishment, which is exactly what it was.
My hell, after being forced to move back into my parents' house after moving back once it became clear that I couldn't find a job, and after I washed out of a program at a community college, was my mother repeatedly appearing out of the woodwork, and making it a "missionary moment". I tell my family about this? I got "She only has good intentions for you," basically every time I complained about this. Every angry outburst I had towards her was met with "How can you treat her like that?" by  at least one of my sisters. They didn't know that I never got a break from the missionary attempts or the "good intentions".
I wish my mother and my sisters who are the most determined to push the "good intentions" agenda would do a smidgen of research. I wish they would take autism classes, or at least look into their "good intentions" to see just how good they are.
What they can't see about that form, is that it might have ended up on someone's desk. That person whose desk it was might have called me, and asked me why I thought I needed to fill out this particular form. The only answer I would have been able to give this person is that my mother and one of my sisters thought it was a good idea, that they thought it wouldn't do any harm. That I don't have any control over my life, that I let it be controlled by two women who can't be bothered to read the forms that they make me fill out. That they both think they know what they are doing, but they really don't.